How does people with neurodiversity communicate and ways to interact with them

This little space where I can share with you my experience, and more than anything else, explain how having a neurodiversity, and being surrounded by other people, make life much better, not only for ourselves, also for other people. Today, I'm gonna be talking about communication, which is an area very important for people with neurodiversity, simply because our way of expressing ourselves is different from others.That creates a different reaction, and I want here to bring my experience, my point of view, and what has worked for me, in case you want to approach things in a different way, or you have someone around you that might have neurodiversity.

To start today about communication, I want to divide the approach in two different ways. First, when someone is not aware of the way of communication, and then, when that happens, that's kind of light bulb moment that thinks, oh, that's how I communicate, that's different from other people. Let's start with being unaware. This is something that happened to me. I'm neurodiverse, and I didn't know until much later in life. That means that through most of my life, I was talking to people, I was communicating to them through emails or other forms of communication, and sometimes it was not coming through, ideally. I had cases where people reacted in a way that was not expected, and it was very confusing for me. To give more context, it is worth mentioning that people with ASD like very clear communication. I'm sure you have heard a bit of a stereotype about being a binary communication, like yes, no, and at some extent, that's because we like clarity.

We don't like gray area. Is something going to happen or not? Is this event good or not? Whenever there's different layers of uncertainty, when there is ambiguity in the message, that makes it very uncomfortable. You put that into the context of how communication has happened with me in the past, and especially when I reflect about it, it's really clear that I have been sending emails or talking to people before in a way that was not what a lot of neurotypical people would do. I will give you a couple of examples to give a bit more insight. I'm originally from Spain, and English is not my first language. And when I came to the UK, when I mentioned that I'm from Spain, some people really mentioned, oh, I've been to Spain, I've been to Barcelona, why did you leave Spain? And my instant reaction was to become very defensive, because in my mind, I thought, I just mentioned to you that I left Spain to come to the UK, and I'm looking to have a happy life here. Why are you asking me why I left? Wouldn't you ask me why I want to be here, and what are my plans? And that's happening a few times. It's not just one-off, it's a common conversation. The way I look at it was from a point of view from someone with ASD. That means whatever is the past is past, and we move on.

So for me, going back to questioning my decision, asking me why not stay in Spain, or why not have taken another solution, for me was very difficult, to the point that I became very snappy, and I didn't want to talk about it. And whenever anyone asked me that, I just really became very bored and not engaging. Another case was when I met people, and as a first sentence, or first way of engagement, and this is what you could probably say, it's a chit chat or small talk, were mentioning, oh wow, so you are from Barcelona, so surely you support football, right? So you support Barça, the football team there. And for me was really, really challenging, because with my mindset, I thought, why do you assume something about me? Why don't you ask me what I like in life? I like football, I might not like football. Why do you put me in this box of, you are from certain place, therefore you must be thinking this way, and that's how I want to do the small talk. All these led to not great conversations, the small talk became quite a dry talk, and it was not until later in life when I realized about my neurodiversity, that I started changing the approach.

How I do it now is being conscious about the reason why people say something to me rather than what they are saying. In the case of football, for instance, oh, you must be supporting this. I just put a very simple one-liner saying, oh, when I was there, I followed a bit like everybody else, and since I moved to the UK, I just no longer follow. You mentioned football. Is it because you are into football, or what's the reason? So in a way, following up on a small talk to know more about the other person. Now, if you that are listening to this are neurotypical, I might think that it's just courtesy, that what I'm saying is like, of course you would say that. It's a small talk. You want to know other people.”

It is not an easy way for someone with ASD. And that's why I'm bringing it here. It's very difficult to engage with a small talk because we like a good conversation, especially if it's about the topic that we like. We either don't talk or we talk a lot. That middle ground is really difficult, and it takes a lot of practice, which I have applied in my case, and that's why I'm bringing it here as an example for any of you with either neurodiversity and facing communication a different way or someone who knows someone or is facing a conversation with someone new, and you feel like that person doesn't communicate the same way as you do, or you think like, oh, that was a bit rude, or oh, I was not expecting that. That could be for a lot of reasons. Yes, maybe that person is rude, maybe that person is not interesting in talking to you. Possibly. It could also be that that person has a new diversity and has a different way of talking.

All I'm asking is just a bit of patience here, and just get under the skin of what's happening there. And if the reply to any of the questions I made was like, I want to share with you, then maybe open a question. Oh, so what sport, are you into sports, or how do you enjoy your free time, or anything like that, that a person with ASD or another new diversity can explain, actually, what I really enjoy is this kind of hobby or doing this kind of things. It might be a hobby or an activity that resonates with you and you enjoy, or it could be a complete different field that's actually not really interesting to you. It doesn't matter. The most important thing is, as a small talk, you know about that person.

You know a reference point. And isn't that the point of a small talk and chit chat? This is a blog that in essence encapsulates what is the communication as I'm communicating to you.

So it's rare to be in a driving seat of a situation where actually not many people would be facing. When I communicate to you through this blog, I need to be very conscious of what I'm doing. I don't know how you hear about this blog, how you feel, if it comes natural, or if it's very forced, if you think I'm reading from a screen, or not.

Actually, I have a bit of a very little script, like single line on the three sections. So I'm a bit reading, but not exactly for the whole thing. It's a lot of improvising, probably, as you tell.

By the way, I talk. And this communication is natural and very easy for a lot of people out there. I mean, always fascinated hearing people that naturally have conversations with a lot of people and have a talk, and then they can start, they finish, and there's no interruption, and it's just a natural flow. In the case of neurodiversity, we have different parameters. And in my case with ASD, that communication is requiring an effort to think, to calm my mind, to structure my mind, not about what I want to say, it's just how I'm going to say it. You remember what I mentioned at the beginning of this blog about being very, maybe, binary?

I have been in my life facing in the past situations where I had to write a letter or an email. And for me, it was like having to write something very long that was not in my mind to do.

The normal situation for me or the approach I would have would be just a single line. Hello, such and such. And how about this? How about that? And that's it. Very direct. Very abrupt, you might say. Very direct because in my mind, in a mind with ASD, it's quite binary. So what's the question? This is the question. Okay, how I'm going to write it in the most efficient way? This way. Okay, I'm going to send it. That's being efficient. Let's get it done. And that's not how everybody wants to receive communication. So I spend time putting different fillers in my communication.

I spend time putting background, putting more context so whoever receives that communication can understand more where I'm coming from. This blog is a good example in that sense. I thought about this article today, and I said I'm going to do an article about communication for someone with ASD.

The instant reaction to that thought I had was to just say in one or two lines that people with ASD have a different way of communication that can be abrupt, that can be direct. We need to be aware of someone who receives that, and with people with neurodiversity, flex a bit more the way of communication depending on who receives that. What else do I want to say? Why do I even have a blog? I could just go on social media, write a few characters, chop down, put a hashtag, and there you go.

Then kicks in the effort I have to improve my communication. And this is what brought me to this article. The moment someone with neurodiversity makes the effort to communicate in a different way, the thought and the mind somehow expands in a much more open-minded way of looking at things. It clarifies the mind, it helps a lot to be less stressful, and brings a bit more of a tempo where the thoughts flow in a way that we don't feel with the pressure of being effective all the time. If anything, it's just being more relaxed. You know, when someone says, oh, that person is talking all the time, oh, I can't talk all the time, how come I'm not doing anything?

In some occasions, people with ASD might be the opposite. We might have a hobby that really takes all our mind, and we keep doing that hobby, not saying anything or not talking to anyone for hours. It's completely the opposite. Is someone talking and not doing much better than others? Not really, unless you are in a work environment and something needs to land, etc. Otherwise, if it's in their free time, they can do whatever they want. The difference here is that for someone with ASD, it becomes an effort, it becomes an activity, and by doing that, it gets better.

That was the article of today, talking about communication, talking about being aware, and how we can all find a way to communicate better, because we can reach wider audiences.